What to bring on your IA to Iraq

I was recently asked by a lucky IA lottery winner what to bring on an IA to Iraq. That is a great question I had the exact same question when I was tagged. I searched ECRC, NKO all the usual places and found nothing of use. I have not looked at their sites lately but I am sure nothing has changed. They do not have the time to figure out why my travel claim has not been paid in over 3 months, I am sure they do not have time to update their web site.

I will try to make this as extensive as possible but the general idea is that you can forget everything, as long as you have underwear, the Army will give you all the rest of your essentials. It is my experience that I have been able to find anything I want at exchanges, except NAVY PT uniform.

Bring whatever you want to NMPS and expect to ship stuff home, this is ok, and the Navy will pay for it on the travel claim, just ensure you keep your receipt even if it is less than $75, you absolutely need the receipt to get reimbursed for the shipping. Speaking of travel claims I would not do any travel claims until you get to Kuwait, as stated above I am still waiting on the one I claimed with ECRC over 3 months ago, the Kuwait guys will have it done in 5 days.

The Army will provide 4 sets of ACU’s a bunch of undershirts, socks, boots, boot dressing straps, cold weather gear, medium weather gear, rain gear, sleeping bag, backpack, gloves, hats, gerber multi tool, sunglasses, shooting glasses, earplugs, body armor, guns, holster, knee pads, elbow pads, you will have around 250 pounds of Army issued gear when you are all done and you get to carry it all over the world.

Everything else is just gravy and can more than likely be found at the exchange except for PT uniforms. I only brought two which is not enough, I just ordered two more from the online Navy exchange and they are shipping them.

Laptop computer, I think is an essential, there has been wireless internet everywhere I have been it is slower than dial up and kind of expensive $50-80 a month but worth it to me. All exchanges I have been in carry laptops. I am also going to put a plug in for Skype, it is free video calls to anyone who has Skype on their computer and I also use them for unlimited phone calls to any phone in the US for $50 a year, a great deal I think. It is much more convenient than wandering around looking for a calling card and then waiting for a phone booth to open up not to mention cheaper in the long run.

Under Armour underwear are awesome, I will never wear cotton again, when I wear cotton it quickly feels like I am wearing a wet diaper, not so with the under armour. They are kinda pricey at $16 a pair but worth every penny unless you are a fan of sweaty balls. I do not care for the Under Armour socks, they seem to make my feet sweat more than cotton socks which is strange you would think they would work the same as the underwear.

Get a head lamp and key chain light once you get to your Army training base, they sell them everywhere and are critical when trying to move around at night when all your roomies are sleeping.

I buy a pillow everywhere I go, I don’t carry one and I refuse to use one that somebody else has drooled all over, or worse, so I just leave the old one and get a new one. Bedding sheets are abundant and are much more comfortable than the sleeping bag the Army issues.

Once you get in country you have to turn your laundry in to be done, you will need a laundry bag, I suggest a cotton one, I initially purchased a nylon fish net one and the seams started ripping after two uses. I have seen both types at all exchanges.

As far as the high speed tactical gear, you will not need any of this, non of us are high speed or tactical in an Army sense, remember we are clown warriors, the only piece of gear that I would reccomend is a strap that attaches to your body armor and attaches to you M-4 it has a plastic buckle that allows you to quickly attach and detach your gun. It is much better than a sling and during training it makes carrying your rifle much easier. They are at all the Army exchanges both at the training base and in country.

Bring your check book, there are no ATM's so if you want cash the easiest way is to go to the finance building and write a check, most exchanges will take credit cards, or eagle cash cards, which is just a debit card you set up if you want when you are in country. The local markets and souqs on base are sometimes cash only.

To sum it all up the Army gives you a ton of stuff and the less you have to carry half way around the world the better, and from what I have seen you can get anything you want once you get here, except a Playboy and a Beer, and I bet if I looked real hard I could find those also, however getting caught with either will earn you a quick trip home.

Home in Iraq

I have arrived at my final destination in Iraq and have had a couple of weeks to learn the job so I have not written lately. The job itself is not all that difficult; the hardest part was catching up on all the work the Air force guy I took over for left for me. I am only speculating but it seems to me these guys show up take a month to get acclimated a month to unpacked then they have to start writing their award and evaluation which keeps them busy until they start packing to leave. He did give me a good tour of the base ensuring he pointed out the golf course which I would have never found on my own; it is camouflaged as dirt, looking exactly like the rest of the base except for a few flag poles, that was about the extent of our turnover. He was nice enough to give me all the stuff he had acquired during his stay, a tv, dvd player, fridge, microwave, and internet antenna. All this stuff is crammed in my containerized housing unit(CHU), it is about 8x15 contains all the stuff above as well as a few lockers a bed and some homemade desks and stands and an air conditioner, did I mention it smells like ASS. They are made of metal, think shipping container, the container is actually about 30 feet long and is separated in the middle by a wall making it a duplex. I have giants or possibly bulls living in the other side, they bang shit and stomp around all the time maybe they are practicing their ultimate fighting techniques whatever they are doing it is getting very annoying.

My biggest complaint is the bathroom situation, it is even worse than FT Dix, to start off the closest bathroom trailer is around 100yds away, now that doesn’t seem all that far away until you need to pee at a strange hour, I had heard rumors of guys peeing in water bottles, let me assure you it is no rumor, I have used the water bottle technique multiple times. This brings up another problem, what to do with water bottles full of pee, they build up at an alarming rate and there is not much room to store them in the CHU not to mention the fact that they start a nice golden color but after a few days the color changes to a much more evil looking shade. The whole point of peeing in the bottle is to alleviate long walks late at night to the bathroom but at some point these festering bottles need to be disposed of, so they are hauled to the bathroom late at night so you are not spotted carrying bottles of pee. It is advisable to hold your breath while pouring, I am still weighing the cost benefit of this process, but I believe if used properly and not abused it is an effective technique.

Another problem with the bathrooms is the size and cleanliness, the bathrooms are small and they are generally dirty, in Baghdad, they were large and clean, here that is not the case. All toilets in the Middle East seem to have a design flaw; they have very little water in the bowl. This causes serious smells to emanate from the bathroom, you get a few guys in there laying loads that are all sitting high and dry the smell can get atrocious. I courtesy flush immediately after the majority is deposited, some guys do not follow this simple rule. Another problem is the streaks left after use due to no water in the bowel, I don’t know why but I find it hard to use a toilet that has giant skid marks left in it, and after one use there will be skid marks until it is cleaned, they only get cleaned once a day.

The showers have also been a big disappointment, they are tiny with nowhere to hang your stuff, one thing I find a little scary is the water in the showers and bathroom are not potable, so you cannot brush your teeth but you can shower in the water, to brush your teeth you need to grab a bottled water, I usually grab a half bottle laying around the CHU, my worst nightmare is grabbing a half bottle of pee and not catching it before I start brushing my teeth.

The food is good, a wide selection with a couple of main courses, a pasta bar, hamburger line, Mongolian barbeque and then the specialty line for the day, could be tacos, pizza, gyros, almost anything. They have a nice salad bar and of course the desert bar as well as ice-cream every day. That is the hardest thing to stay away from, they say everyone who comes here will be in the 300lb club, you will either weigh 300lb from the food or you become a gym rat and bench 300lbs. I am shooting for the latter and have been doing a great job at getting to the gym and an ok job of staying away for the deserts.

MWR Tent contains an awesome gym, lots of everything, a movie theater which I have went to a couple of times, I think out of the 200 seats or so I was the only person watching the movie. They have about 6 or 7 pool tables, multiple ping pong tables, a few foosball tables, air hockey, and a shuffle board table. I think I will start practicing my 9 ball and ping-pong and enter the tournaments. I already mentioned the golf course; I will have to play at least once just to say I did it. The base also has a swimming pool which they are getting ready to open, they have it filled and ready they just need some volunteer life guards. I am very impressed with the recreation facilities.

Clown Warriors

I have finally caught up on all the lost sleep incurred during the trip from FT Dix to Baghdad. The last week in FT Dix fully completed our transformation into Clown Warriors. We conducted both mounted and unmounted land navigation. All our training prepared us for the culminating event, more convoy escort. I am still trying to figure out why we learned this stuff when we will not be doing it. We will ride in a convoy every now and then but I will never be in charge of one. If an Army guy was going flying with us would we send him through a month of flight school, or ship driving school, no that is ridiculous, I have just done the ridiculous!! I will say the shooting and life saving course were good and appropriate, the rest of the training was a waste of my time. Sorry I was rambling for a second, back to the convoy maneuvers. We actually improved and successfully drove our humvees much faster than below walking speed, I think we maintained a blazing average speed of 15 miles per hour. Our one weak spot was navigation, even after the navigation training and a recon mission the day before the lead vehicle had no idea where they were going, they missed every turn. I did learn that it is nearly impossible to back up after a missed turn, and almost as difficult to turn around. During the debrief or after action report as the Army calls it, they told us we were one of the best Navy classes they have seen, now either they were just trying to make us feel good or the other classes were incredibly bad, either way I was ready to leave FT Dix.

FT Dix had many issues one was the shortage of toilet paper, it was on ongoing problem that became a crisis during the last week. It all started after the DFAC (dining facility) served some food that either did not agree with us or it contained a little food poisoning. Normally there was toilet paper, but with the increased demand it was quickly used up. I went into the bathroom with a sense of urgency, I didn’t even have time to grab a magazine, no magazine normally would have bothered me however I knew in this case there really wasn’t any need for a magazine I would make short work of this job, upon completion I reached for the TP, and to my dismay there was none. After about five minutes of contemplation on the situation and with no help in the room I carefully pulled my underwear and ACU trousers on as low as possible, trying to keep them as clean as possible. Stepping into the hallway I asked a passing Chief, with as much dignity as I could muster, if he knew where any toilet paper was. He did not but suggested I walk to the other head which was located at the far end of the barracks, I thought for a second wondering if I should tell this guy I really didn’t want to walk that far due to the fact that I had a mess in my pants, I decided against saying anything and walked to the other bathroom, luckily it had some toilet paper, I cleaned up as well as I could, and took a roll putting it in our bathroom. The next day I was still infected with whatever the DFAC had contaminated me with, and again a sudden and urgent need to use the facilities occurred, now you would think that after the prior days experience I would have the sense to check the toilet paper before use, normally I would have but due to complete concentration on not shitting in my pants before getting them off I did not have time to properly preflight the shitter. Two days in a row I had to walk to the far bathroom to clean myself up, it also meant I had doubled my underwear usage which affected my carefully planned laundry cycle, the whole house of cards was crumbling. Needless to say I was pissed and walked into my cell cussing and bitching, after my caring roommates stopped laughing at me more stories started to emerge. Earlier in the day one of my roommates went to the bathroom and ended up in my exact predicament, his solution was to strip down and jump in the shower, he was already enroute to the shower when the urge hit so he had the advantage of having his towel with him, my other roommate then recounted his near miss at the base Exchange, apparently he was within seconds of an accident but made it to the bathroom barely averting disaster. Things were really getting shitty around FT Dix literally, since my departure all symptoms have cleared up and I make it a habit to check the toilet paper religiously.

Quote of the day, Miss America 1981 at Camp Liberty Tony Orlando show, "Where's my Seaman, I need some Seaman."

The Naval Officer and the Gunfight

In Baghdad, have lots of stuff to get down but just havn't had the time, the following advice was sent from a friend of a friend, found it funny.

The Naval Officer and the Gunfight

... But a word of advice, always remember you are a Naval Officer and a bureaucrat, the best way to use the M4 is to release the magazine, download the bullets into your strong hand. Then throw them very hard at your aggressor. This will stun him in disbelief. As he is looking at the handful of bullets lying at his feet, in amazement, shift the rifle from your support arm to your strong arm and use the pistol grip of your weapon to throw it (as hard as you can) at a point about 12 inches above the enemies head. You will end up hitting him somewhere in the face, thus incapacitating him. Then wave both hands above your shoulders, with limp wrists, and run away screaming. That my friend is how a Naval Officer (and bureaucrat)survives a gun fight with a hardened terrorist. I know it works for me.

Stay safe,
Pickle

One more X in the box

One more day of training complete, today was PowerPoint briefs all day, for about eight hours we endured some of the most mind numbing subjects, Law of War, Force Protection, Rules of Engagement, Uniform Code of Military Justice, the list goes on. For days like today I have learned to channel my thoughts, I drift out of the class room and go to my happy place. It is much easier than fighting to stay awake, at one point I returned from my happy place, looked around, and half of the class was standing at the back of the room in order to stay awake. During the break, a genius offered his technique for staying awake, apparently, if you reach into your nose and pull the longest hair you can find it will reenergize you for at least an hour. Now this guy is a ship driver and they get a lot of practice at staying awake, it probably works if you actually need to be alert, in this case I just need the illusion of alert. This technique is much to advanced for me, I plan on continuing to drift off to my happy place during these type of events.

I don’t remember the name of the training but the gist was to drive a convoy of hummers on a patrol along a route with all kinds of hazards, hidden simulated IED’s, real people acting as angry villagers, and terrorists ambushing the patrol. This sounds like excellent training and it could be, however you have to remember the Army is just trying to get an X in the block. After the standard hour or two of classroom instruction it is time for the circus. There are a lot of tactics and comm procedures to do this correctly; no way in hell two hours is even close to enough. Grabbing all our gear including big red noses and floppy shoes the clown parade headed to center ring. The route we were on was no more than a mile long it took us about three hours to complete it; I could have lapped our convoy several times at an average walking speed. It was probably very comical watching us flounder in almost every situation. A guy dropped his 9MM out of the holster and it was run over by the clown truck. This was quickly followed by the owner jumping out of the truck and digging in the sand for his pistol, he looked like a cat burying his shit. All the while smoke bombs and loud fire crackers were exploding around us simulating incoming mortar fire, we had no blank ammunition, the Army probably thought we would hurt somebody with it, so our gunner was saying bang, bang, bang as he was shooting at a bad guy. At this point I looked at my driver and we both just busted up laughing.

Day two of the greatest circus on earth, our show was urban foot patrol and building clearing. Again after a couple of hours of class room training and one practice room clearing under instruction we were sent out on a patrol through a simulated town with bad guys. Guys that are good at this are SWAT, SEALS, real Army guys, not the clown team. I am not sure why but they gave us blanks this time, not that it mattered all we did was make noise, had we been using real bullets we probably would have killed everybody but the bad guys.

Most of the training we get is simply to cover the Army’s ass, if anything happens and questions are asked the Army can go back and say, well we gave them training in that area, we did everything possible it’s not our fault. After the last three days my Army bullshit bag is completely overflowing.

Army Appreciation

Army training consists of many aspects, today we had to take a test to determine a baseline so if we sustain a head injury they can determine just how much brain damage was caused. Apparently I already have a significant amount of brain damage as I failed the baseline test and had to retake it. Had I paid attention to the initial instructions I would have done just fine but I was too busy making fun of how dumb the Army is.

We have returned from our three days in the COL (Contingency Operating Location) a large and very realistic mock up of any Army base found in Iraq or Afghanistan, it was actually not a bad time we had a lot of sleeping time. The tent was large and comfortable, and twice as clean as our cell, maybe the army should replace sidewalks that go nowhere and grass that turns to mud with gravel, the gravel significantly cut down on mud and dirt being tracked into the tent. We were given a couple of days of Arabic language training as well as a decent cultural awareness brief. On the second day of language training the Army interpreter was getting very angry with the class. Apparently we were not nearly as proficient in Arabic as other classes after a total of 2 hours of instruction. I have been speaking English all my life and still have not mastered the language, how the fuck am I supposed to be able to tell an Iraqi to stop, get out of his car and ask him if he has any explosives after two hours of instruction, I am pretty sure I will never be in the position to ask these questions and if I am, I believe they pay interpreters to do that. I am starting to believe that 80% of our training is strictly Army appreciation training, hey you will never do this, but we do, and we want you to know we do.

The main event out at the COL was MACP (Modern Army Combative Program) there was a giant gladiator pit filled with rubber chips and we were instructed on hand to hand combat. Think UFC, ultimate fighting championship, or cage fighting. After several hours of learning basic moves including actually choking and getting choked out in every possible way and how to use an arm bar from several positions we circled the pit and were sent out two at a time to actually fight. I ended my fighting career with a 2 and 1 record. Needles to say the next day one kidney had shut down due to a knee that found it, and it was almost impossible to eat or drink due to the bruised neck. This stuff would have been great when I was younger, it would have come in handy for several bar fights, I might actually try to learn more while out there if I have time, you never know when you may have to kick some guys ass.

NMPS individual augmentee purgatory

I am writing this a little late however I need to address the Individual augmentation process while dealing with NMPS in San Diego. After arriving at the San Diego airport and being the squared away sailor I am, I broke out my orders and they recommended reporting to the USO for transportation to 32nd st Naval Station. I picked up my bags and carried them from one end of the airport to the other, finally arriving at the USO I immediately signed in and got a drink after my trek. They told me the van would be leaving momentarily and that it was only ten dollars, a bargain compared to what a cab would cost. I hopped in the van and we pulled away, just as I thought we were leaving the airport he continued back into the airport, we trolled the airport until he found a couple of other passengers needing rides. I guessed none of these guys where in the military or going to the Naval station due to the fact they all had long hair. Of course these guys couldn’t get on base so even though I was the first on the van I got the cheap tour of San Diego as the driver dropped these clowns off first. Lesson learned, take a cab, the Navy pays for it anyways, better yet rent a car it will help, there is a lot of walking and bumming rides if you don’t have one, NMPS says you will not get reimbursed but if I had to do it over again I would rent a car.

Bring some civilian clothes you can go out in San Diego, some guys even stayed at the Navy lodge with their wives and kids, not sure if they will get reimbursed or not, the BOQ has a block of rooms reserved so you will not have to make your own reservation. You will bring to much stuff so expect to mail shit home, I wore my desert flight suit even though our orders said they were not authorized, if I had to do it again I would not bring any khakis. You will get four sets of Army camo if you are going to Iraq or Afghanistan, plus two sets of boots and some other things. I arrived with half a sea bag of shit and a small duffle bag , after sending most of that home, I still left with two full sea bags and my duffle bag, I am still sending shit home, once you get to your Army base they give you more stuff than you can imagine.

NMPS is a trip, they are virtually worthless, they do not give a shit about you all they want to do is get you out of there. You will redo all medical screening you have already done a month ago, ensure you know where all your medical stuff is in your records, especially your shots I don’t think they know how to read and they will just make shit up and send you for things you don’t need. Do all your NKO courses including driving for life if you are going to FT Dix, otherwise you will be sitting in a computer lab finishing that stuff up during your down time. Do not expect any admin support, true story an O6 coming from his Commodore tour asked to use a phone, he was denied by one of the Petty Officers, after being shot down by this Petty Officer he told me how just a couple of weeks ago he could pick up a phone and request a 100 million dollar airplane be brought to him and it would arrive, now he is not even allowed to make a phone call. Do not try to suggest better ways of doing business they will just put you in the penalty box and make the whole process that much more miserable. One of our guys had so many good ideas he was sent to the OIC’s office and told to quit making waves. The way to get through NMPS is to show up with your shit in one sock, smile and comply with all directions, if you do that you should be done after a couple of days and you will have a couple of days off.